I used to write this section in our monthly Inspired Minds newsletter, but we figured it would be easier to read online, and all our blog subscribers would enjoy reading it too. At least I hope you do Read May’s Inspired Minds newsletter here.

Mark

How many hours does it take to be great?

Ever heard of the 10,000 hour rule? I read about it in Malcolm Gladwell’s great book Outliers: The Story of Success. We tend to assume that the people at the top of the skill and success ladder are just ‘made that way’ – different from us. But Gladwell reports the research that shows that those apparently ‘super gifted’ types have something important in common: work ethic.

People who practice, whatever their chosen field, for ten thousand hours tend to become great. Eight thousand will make them very good – but not great. Of course, there is such a thing as innate talent, but this 10,000 hour rule trumps it.

There’s a damaging zeitgeist about which encourages us to feel that life owes us stuff. You have a right to it – so take it! But the truth is that real fulfilment comes from impassioned focus, drive and determination leading to sustained effort; making your own results happen. Stop being lazy goes beyond the idea that you have to feel totally motivated just to keep going. It seeks to encourage the development of a true work ethic that becomes part of the fabric of who you are.

No more running away!

And talking of who you are… Do you ever dread confronting other people? Our brand new ‘old favorite’ this month is Overcome fear of confrontation. We can be so taken up with trying to ‘be nice’ to others that we stop being honest with them (and with ourselves). Being assertive and confronting (when you really need to) is actually an important form of honesty. But for some it can feel almost impossible. This session is really focused on how to voice feelings more openly without having to resort to too much ‘hinting’ that gets you nowhere, or getting burdened down with guilt because you set off a conflict.

Enjoying the sound of silence

Part of confident communication is knowing how to use and be relaxed with silence. Comfortable silence is for people who feel they ‘have to keep conversation going at all costs’ through fear of awkward gaps. Of course, silence doesn’t mean that we are not communicating. We are still speaking, even if saying nothing. Facial expressions, body language and what we do with our eyes all convey a huge amount of information. Really good speakers know how to use silence to:

• let ideas take and settle
• let people collect their thoughts
• give others a chance to talk
• demonstrate confidence (a hesitation is quite different from a deliberate pause)
• encourage intimacy (when we are intimate we can be silent sometimes)

Mark’s Tip for the Top

I think this month it’s got to be the Healthy Drinking download. I like to have a drink and I like to live healthily. It encourages a natural sense of how much is right for your body but also allows you to have what is healthy for you. A winning combination in my book